antwerpen.

i was swimming in a pool

the first time in years

while under the light of the

full moon,

the people who were there,

kept talking about belgium

they were facinated with it,

talking about how the water was

so tainted that you couldn't drink it

and so,

everyone drank beer.

& we all know that belgians

have the best beer -

and chocolate.

i wanted to say,

i once was in love with a belgian

who came to see me and saw me through

the scariest moment of my life

who held my hand and

when the doctors asked who he was

he calmly looked at them and said

'her fiancee.'

and i looked up at him,

i could see it was something he meant,

and also that, it was meant to make

me laugh & i did

although the laughing really hurt

i have never seen anyones eyes

electric blue and full of life

filled with such concern over -

my well being

for the first time i felt

safe -

i wanted to say,

girls, you should really get

yourself a belgian

they speak many languages,

theyre very tall and thin

and they tend to all look

really good (from what i have seen)

and they are really educated

& for the most part they won't hate

you for being who you are

i wanted to say,

get yourself a good belgian lover

and never let him go

hold him tightly at night

and if you are lucky

you will have some of the best sex

that you have ever had in your life

(europeans, you know... they just

do it better....)

instead,

i remained quiet

i stared at the moon,

thought about how we always

were supposed to swim together

and how,

at least with my belgian

i know i have found the one person

who will never fully abandon me

and,

in that moment,

i missed him.

and i thought about

how i saw his doppleganger

while in chicago

&

i longed

for those cold snowy days

when i looked like a raccoon

and how

we laid in bed for a week

doing nothing but exploring

everything about each other.

the moon was over head

and i hoped he could see it

and know how much i missed him,

in that moment.