im sitting waiting for the klonopin to kick in so i can go to sleep. i have had a long day, a long, long day, which started out in kalamazoo, where we did an interview and some filming. i'm trying to negoitate being a campaign manager & saying things in a 'political' way, vs the way i usually say things, which tends to be blunt. it's weird to watch myself become... not so much a sell out, but, a professional, working, person with a career & drive & desires. i am generally exhausted every day (and i had to take two days off to just sleep) but i know that i function much better as a human being when i am busy, when i am thinking and most of all when i am learning. and i am learning so much. i have been thrown into the fire, but, its okay, because people believe in me. it's weird, its so weird - i am somebody. i am actively doing things to better the world. i am active in trying to make this country & this city & this state a better place, and i go to bed at night actually knowing that i am putting my time & energy into something worth while. how many people can say that about their jobs? not many.
it's not to say that my job doesn't drive me fucking insane, it does, but, i'm learning to deal with it. i am enjoying actually having a regular source of income, although it is nowhere near what i should get paid, i'll take it for now.
i don't want to write about politics in this blog because this is more or less a blog for me. i have only let a few people know it exists - just a few i trust, because, well, i know better than to let anyone i really know read what i really think in my real life.
usually i spend time in here writing about relationships, or the lack of them, or how fucked up they are. and they are, so fucked up. i am still not over mr.hollywood , although i know it all needed to happen. i just miss having someone i could talk to like that. it is a shame we couldn't be like, best friends. maybe when he grows up. as far as everyone else, i have made sure all of those situations dry up because i just can not handle the extra energy and effort it takes to have some guy demand that i be his everything, and give me oh - nothing. there are a few people, stragglers, who text message me, whom i ignore, because i don't want a relationship. also, their political views are very far from mine, and they all seem to ask why i would want to work in politics. i answer, why not? i have to be the change i see. ironically, it states in my natal chart that i will be totes awesome in politics.
ive been getting more.... interested in trying to connect with the spiritual part of myself. this is a hard task because i am very much a girl who is into the ideas of logic/science & yet i know there is so much else out there. it is this constant struggle and it is always killing me. so, i am trying to get 'in touch' with that cory, the cory that has always been a part of me but that i have ignored for quite some time because i knew it was going to take a lot of.... well, work. but, i really feel like now is the time to start these sort of endevours, because if i do not do it now, i will never do it. it needs to be now.
i need the balance.
justice is my personal card.
my rising sign is libra.
the sleeper has awakened...
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